Bone head shit!

 

  Sometimes in ones life we do embarrassing things that are incredibly stupid and can cause great harm. Now I have two of these moments that I look back at and wonder how I survived.  

    One when I was 35.  I had a small bungalow home in town and it had an attic that you could get to on a steep stairway. Both hands on the wall/hand rail was a must. It had no rail around the floor opening, it just ascended up through the floor.. Now it was the only place that could accommodate my king size mattress. I finished it and made it my bedroom. Now to the bone head thing......  I was changing all the sheets covers blankets and mattress cover. Not wanting to carry them down the steep stairs I just through them over the opening of the the stairs.  After the total cleaning of the room I went to the edge of the stairs opening and looked down.  The pile of bedding running down the stairs looked so soft and like a big cloud. No thought to it, it happened in a split second. I jumped. The pain involved was  indescribable. My sister who felt the house shake ran into the room where I was twisted into a pretzel, yelling what happened. "I fell!" I spent a very long year covering up my back pain and how it happened.

    Now fast forward to yesterday. I'm mowing along the road and side of the ditch. I came up on a soda can right in front of me.  If I get off the seat of the mower it will automatically shut off.  In my lazy state I decide I can maneuver the mower between the can and ditch.  To say wrong move is an under statement. As I ran that damn thing in the ditch. The ditch is big and the tractor was sitting on its head lights.  The hood flung open and I went over the stirring wheel. My legs kept me from going totally off the tractor. The ditch was dry and the weeds and little sapling grow wild in the ditch. The tractor was almost totally out of sight of the road and as I crawled out thinking glad I did not kill myself and no one saw me. I stood on the top of the ditch and look down and there was that damn can still in the same place. I hiked back to the house and got my car put a 10 ft post in it and the tow strap. I waited for the ferry traffic go and I went out to the spot of my second bone head move. I put the car across both lanes and opened the back doors and hatch. When the post is run through the open back doors it acts like a tow bar. I ran the strap around the axel of the tractor and then ran it around the post through the back hatch. Hoping to get this out before the next run of ferry traffic started. I didn't make it before my neighbor came walking her dog. The embarrassment started and then here comes my friend in here gator. Holly shit batman I am so busted now and have to explain how I ran the tractor into the ditch. When the laughter stopped I was able to have my friend pull it out with her gator.  We only had three cars stopped while we got the tractor up right and out of the ditch. It started right up and I drove home. I am so lucky I only have a small bruise on my belly and arm. Why I am not in the hospital is a miracle. I went back later and got the car and the damn can.